Friday, November 17, 2006

Psalm Reading

I've decided to start reading the Psalms. As I've said in one of my other posts, I don't have a relationship with God. I asked Jesus into my heart, like Christians say you should do, when I was fifteen and nothing happened. Since then, I've had a hard time feeling anything for God. I believe in God; I believe the Bible is His Word; I believe in most, if not all, of the doctrines of orthodox Christianity, but I've never felt close to God nor have I ever felt that God cared about me.

Over the years I've often wondered if part of my problem with feeling nothing for God is that I don't read the Bible. I read some of the Bible when I was a kid. I read the Torah, the Gospels, and the book of Acts. I still remember a lot of what I read, but I know that my knowledge and understanding of God and the Christian faith are sorely limited. So that's why I've decided to start reading the Psalms. I think I'll read one, maybe two, Psalms a day, depending on how long they are. If memory serves, most of the Psalms are quite short so maybe I'll be able to read even three a day. I think three is about all I can handle without getting burned out.

I hope I can get some real spirtitual understanding from my Psalm reading. One thing that kept me from reading the Bible again was the fear that it wouldn't speak to my heart. I was afraid that when I came across some verse or story extolling God's love, goodness, or power I'd get turned off because I've never experienced any of that in my life. God has always kept His distance from me, even when I was seeking Him. I'm jealous of people who have real faith in God and a real relationship with Him. Maybe reading the Bible, getting to know God through His Word, is the key to that faith and relationship. I guess I'll soon find out. Psalms, here I come!