Well, I've finally decided to do it. I've decided to call myself a Christian. What, you say? You weren't already a Christian? Well, yes and no.
As I've written before, I was raised in a nominally Christian home. My family celebrated all the "Christian" holidays and abided by superficially Biblical morals. But neither of my parents modeled real Christian living to my siblings and me, and neither took us to church (our Grandmother did). Despite my religiously deficient upbringing I managed to emerge from childhood believing in the orthodox fundamentals of the Christian faith, and I retain that belief to this day. Yet, for several years I've been reluctant to call myself a Christian. Why? A few reasons.
First, I hesitated to call myself a Christian because I've never had the kind of "conversion experience" that Christians so often talk about. I prayed the sinner's prayer and asked Jesus into my heart when I was 15, and nothing happened. I didn't feel God's presense. My life didn't suddenly change. I wasn't instantly freed from bad habits. In short, I didn't have that "conversion experience" which supposedly proves you're saved. Therefore, I didn't feel right calling myself a Christian when I wasn't sure I actually was one, i.e. saved.
Second, I hesitated to call myself a Christian because I was afraid of giving the faith a bad name. I'm a human being, flawed like any other. I know there are forces out there who love to use any failing of a professed Christian to denounce the faith. I didn't want to openly say I'm a Christian and then get caught doing something unChristlike, thereby making all Christians look bad and dishonoring my Savior. I couldn't see a way out of that predicament so I stopped saying I was a Christian.
Third, I hesitated to call myself a Christian because I don't understand every aspect of the faith. I do understand the fundamentals of orthodoxy that I said I believe in, but Christianity is deeper than that. The fundamentals are the "milk" of the faith, as Paul put it, not the meat. I understand some of the "meat" of the faith, but understanding it all is still beyond me. I didn't want to appear ignorant about my religion if I were ever asked a hard question, so I played it safe by avoiding the "Christian" label.
But then something happened to change my mind: I got breast cancer.
Television preacher John Hagee once said that adversity is God's university, and I can attest that that's true. When I felt that telltale lump in my breast this past March, that was my enrollment into that divine school. And it's been a beneficial and enriching course. Having breast cancer hasn't been easy but going through this valley of disease has brought me to a place with God that I would never have gotten to otherwise.
While fighting cancer I've seen God work miracles for me. Not big, spectacular ones but small, personal ones that spoke to me in the way I needed it most. The most meaningful miracle I've experienced is receiving God's strength to deal with my illness. While I was waiting for the results of my biopsy I was sure I'd freak out if they came back positive, but I didn't and I know that was God. He gave me His strength which kept me calm, positive, and unafraid. That's been a huge blessing for me and I'm very grateful for it.
As I've gotten closer to the Lord during my trials I've learned the worries I outlined above don't matter. God isn't looking for me to be perfect, to have full spiritual knowledge, or to live in a constant state of spiritual ecstasy. Rather, He just wants me to trust Him. As I do that, God will lead me to the people and sources that will help me grow in faith, knowledge, and even "perfection". I don't have to worry that I might embarrass my Savior or appear ignorant of my faith. God is close to me and He will guide me through any akward moments. Because of that, I feel I'm finally "in the fold", so to speak. Jesus is the shepherd and I'm one of His sheep. I'm a Christian. I'm a believer, and I'm blessed.
4 comments:
God's miracles are never what we expect, but when they happen, they are unmistakable. With your Cancer, God spoke directly to you, and let you know that He was there and with Him you would survive and get better. God's miracles are amazing to behold, if you are open to receiving them. I am glad that you were.
Well at least you thought about it before committing.
Most people want to have a label or be in a group so fast they don't even know what they are a part of.
There are so many religion in the world,but you see, all of them belives that there is God.
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The gods tempt people for which they are most weak. Artificial Intelligence will create desire in people's minds for the following sins:::
1. Alcohol
2. Drugs
3. Preditory "earning"
4. Homosexuality
5. Gambling
6. Something for nothing/irresponsibility (xtianity)
7. Polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny (Islam)
Much like the other prophets Mohhamed (polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny) and Jesus (forgiveness/savior), the gods use me for temptation as well. In today's modern society they feel people are most weak for popular culture/sensationalism, and the clues date back to WorldWarII and Unit731:TSUSHOGO.
It has been discussed that, similar to the Matrix concept, the gods will offer a REAL "Second Coming of Christ", while the "fake" Second Coming will come at the end and follow New Testiment scripture and their xtian positioning. I may be that real Second Coming.
What I teach is the god's true way. It is what is expected of people, and only those who follow this truth will be eligible to ascend into heaven as children in a future life. They offered this event because the masses have just enough time to work on and fix their relationship with the gods and ascend, to move and grow past Planet Earth, before the obligatory xtian "consolation prize" of "1000 years with Jesus on Earth" begins.
Your job as a future mother is to learn the god's ways and to help your child understand despite the negative reinforcement and conditioning of today's society. Without consciousous parents the child will have no hope, and may even exaserbate their disfavor by becoming corrupted in today's environment.
Your ultimate goal is to fix your relationship wiith the gods and move on. You don't want to be comfortable here, and the changes in Western society in the last 100 years has achieved just that.
1000 years with Jesus is the consolation prize. Don't be deceived into thinking that is the goal.
The Prince of Darkness, battling the gods over the souls of the Damned.
It is the gods who have created this environment and led people into Damnation with temptation. The god's positioning proves they work to prevent people's understanding.
How often is xtian dogma wrong? Expect it is about the Lucifer issue as well.
The fallen god, fighting for justice for the disfavored, banished to Earth as the fallen angel?
I believe much as the Noah's Flood event, the end of the world will be initiated by revelry among the people. It will be positioned to be sanctioned by the gods and led for "1000 years with Jesus on Earth".
In light of modern developments this can entail many pleasures:::Medicine "cures" aging, the "manufacture" of incredible beauty via cloning as sex slaves, free (synthetic) cocaine, etc.
Somewhere during the 1000 years the party will start to "die off", literally. Only those who maintain chaste, pure lifestyles, resisting these temptations, will survive the 1000 years. Condemned to experience another epoch of planet's history for their ignorant pursuit of xtianity, they will be the candidates used to (re)colonize (the next) Planet Earth, condemned to relive the misery experienced by the peasantry during history due to their failure to ascend into heaven before the Apocalypse.
Never forget:::It is not a house of Jesus.
If this concept of Lucifer is true another role of this individual may be to initiate disfavor and temptation among this new poulation, the proverbial "apple" of this Garden of Eden. A crucial figure in the history of any planet, he begins the process of deterioration and decay that leads civilizations to where Planet Earth remains today.
Now you are faced with a lifetime to work and prepare for your next chance. Too many will waste this time, getting stoned, "Hiking!", working, etc.
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